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Technology pros and cons

By Claudia B. Manley By placing your profile on the Internet, you’re already using some of today’s technology to your advantage. The Web allows you to reach far more people than an ad in the back of the local newspaper or weekly magazine. Rather than approach the murky topic of online romance, the kind whose participants never actually see each other in the flesh, I’m interested in how all our modern advances can help us move toward each other, both physically and emotionally. In other words: How do we woo someone with a little high-tech help and where do we need to draw the line?

While your profile most often has both a picture and a brief narrative, it’s limited in its ability to get the ‘real you’ across. You know — the fabulous, quirky, smart, sexy, down-to-earth, partying homemaker you. So you send an email. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to read inflection, intention and emphasis into an email, only to come up with a different interpretation each time. At this rate, technology is doing nothing to help us.

It’s a fact that most of us want to hear the voice of a potential date. It can tell us so much more about someone than her personal narrative. Not to be totally shallow (I think we passed that when we assessed the photo on the profile), but how would you feel about dating a woman who combined both beauty and brains, yet had a voice that could peel paint off the ceiling? Maybe you’d skip that one. So you want to leave a voicemail message, but you maybe you don’t have her number yet or don’t know when to call so she’s not home. Finally, technology offers us another option: Web cams. A notch up from regular instant messaging, this gives you one more transitional step between interfacing with her through the computer and actually being face-to-face with her.

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After you’ve gone on a date or two, you can use technology to flirt some more. She knows what your voice sounds like and maybe she’s learned something about your sense of humor, too. Try sending her a text message on her cell phone in the middle of the day — either something benign, like “Had a great time last night!” — or something that reflects your knowledge of her — “A friendly reminder: Don’t fall asleep in that meeting!” Either way, she gets to know you’re thinking of her without having to respond to email or engage in a phone conversation. You interject yourself into her day without interrupting it.

Technology is great when used in conjunction with a little common sense and a healthy dose of in-person contact. Send her only one text message in a day; don’t send them every hour, on the hour. Technology should not take the place of real communication. Don’t use it to come across as outgoing and snappy when you’re actually a little shy and introverted in person. Think of all these tools and toys as supplements not substitutions to your personality. Then, you might find the touch behind the tech.

Claudia B. Manley is freelance writer based in Ontario.